Sunday, August 23, 2015

The Church Lady did it better.

From the always delightful Broward County, Florida:
When Gregory Moore, the suspect in a fatal crime spree that shut down much of Broward County in December, was arrested after a two-day manhunt even he seemed incredulous at the trail of violence and destruction attributed to him.
The allegations he committed one murder, one attempted murder and five carjackings in a matter of hours were so crazy, Moore told law enforcement that people would say he was using flakka, a synthetic hallucinogen associated with bizarre behavior.
But Moore, 35, also known as Pop, denied he had used any drugs, saying his body didn't handle them well.
Of course he doesn't. But he came up with better excuses.
"I don't [know] what it is, man, somebody did Satan to me, put Satan in my brain, man, it made my brain...," Moore told Gerard Starkey, a Doral police officer with the FBI task force.
Ultimately, and perhaps fearing that he was infringing on Dana Carvey's intellectual property rights,  Moore came up with one more excuse:
"I don't know man, it's a spell on me, man, just like my brain, man..." Moore said later in the interview. "Something like split my brain, it ain't no snap, man, a snap, Mr. Gerry, if a person snapped man, they don't... I don't know, man, because I don't know, man, people, when people snap, I guess they do a whole lot more things, man."
I guess they do.

BONUS: Moore, who has what one paper described as a lengthy criminal record, has eight children at the tender young age of 35. We'd better hope that Moore was possessed by Satan, as possession by Satan hasn't been shown to be a heritable trait, unlike, say, various forms of mental health issues, problems with substance abuse, or stupidity.

1 comment:

  1. The least eloquent use of the "Devil made me do it!" excuse I ever heard.